Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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