Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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