Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
