how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
