I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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