So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
