I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
