i think i have herpe
just one?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize