ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
