just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there was a trapeze. enough said
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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