Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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