So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
