he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
