I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
