office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
