He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
