i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh god the rape fog is back!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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