mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
