I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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