Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
