Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How's work?
Spinning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
