As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize