yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
