So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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