this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
