just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
