I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
