i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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