Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
