It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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