So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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