So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
