Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
