But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
