it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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