Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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