I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
