the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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