He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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