I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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