She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
