just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
