Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
