I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
