My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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