Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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