Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
