I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
