Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pants are for mortals
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
