I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
