I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
