I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
