im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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