Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
