My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
