You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
