so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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