When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
