Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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