Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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