Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
