She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
