I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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