Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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