the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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