i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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