I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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