i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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