Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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