ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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