If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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