I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
