What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize