she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
