I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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