She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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