Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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