You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
