His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Houston, we have a squirter
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
