fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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