It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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