The maid of honor just puked.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
