he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
