i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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