He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
