My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
