Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
