Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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