tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
