The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
