do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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