I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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