I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
