I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
