I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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