Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
