I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize