Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
