Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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