you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
