He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
