I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize