No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
