I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
