im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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