shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
