Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The air was thick with penises
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
