this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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