Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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