Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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