Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
