Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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