she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
